MARY CRONK FARRELL AUTHOR
  • Home
  • About
  • Books
  • blog
  • Speaking
  • Contact
    • Contact Mary
    • Upcoming Events
    • News!

Life: Must Be Present to Win

3/20/2015

Comments

 
What’s does it mean to be present to life? Sometimes it’s easier to define something by what it is not.

Probably the best example in my life—those few months when I had two in diapers and was driving my oldest to school every morning. Remembering that time, it seems like one long blur of trying to load them in the car.

PictureChildren present in the moment, naturally.
The only word in my vocabulary was hurry. 

“Can you tie your shoes or should I? Okay. Hurry.” 



Next came coats. When did that zipper break? 

Then the trek down the driveway, to me a field of landmines, to them a range of treasure. An interesting rock, hurry. A fascinating bug, hurry. A one-a-kind leaf, hurry. Of course, we must stop to pet the neighbor’s cat, hurry.

We reach the car, but the fight has only just begun. Kids are born with an antipathy to car seats. Pick your strategy, but at some point you’ll resort to anything--
bribery, brute force or giving up and staying home. Or maybe it’s my lucky day. I actually get to the buckling up. Reaching, leaning, pulling, pushing, fumbling around until you hear that click of victory, and you’re good to go. I turn the key and the engine purrs. I'm only two minutes late, which I can make up if I hit all the lights. 

“Mommy.” A giggle from the backseat. “Me do it.” 

I know it’s a giant step forward in child development, and my kid is at least six months ahead of the average, but there’s no joy in Mudville. He’s unbuckled his seat belt and he’s out!


Depending on the day, my young children drew me into deep presence, total lack of awareness, mostly I was somewhere in between. 

Here’s a few of the ways I define presence now
  • Listening-  When someone is talking to me, I am listening to them. Sounds simple. But it’s difficult if I’m thinking about what I want to say as soon as she finishes. Or if I already know what he’s going to say. Or I’ve judged the topic unimportant and I’m calculating how long she’ll go on about it. Or I’m worried and my mind is spiraling away on its twentieth rendition of what could go wrong and each detail of how wrong it could go.

  • Paying attention during sex-  A no brainer, right? Being aware of his fingertips touching me...the changing pressure of his lips on mine. Detecting the texture of his skin. Noticing this….feeling that…you get it. After twenty-five years of marriage, could my mind drift to that library book that’s overdue? That stupid movie we watched last week? All the stuff I have to get done tomorrow? Once. Or twice. Maybe that happened. Not since my sister’s husband died last year. Her grief and loss reminds me to be more present. If my husband dies tomorrow, I want to be able to remember every second of what happened last night.

  • Not scarfing food-  This is hard for me. I have been a scarfer all my life, so now I have a dedicated practice to increase awareness of the food I eat. Everyday for lunch, I have a salad and my paying attention begins with the sights, sounds, and feelings of washing the lettuce and cutting up the fruits and vegetables. Then I try to eat the salad mindfully, noticing taste and texture and chewing each bite thoroughly. Besides more enjoyment, chewing food longer is good for your health. Read more here…. 

  • Recognizing fear-  Last, but possibly most important. Most of us learn young to deny fear, to see fear as an enemy. Fear is a natural human response to threat, real or imagined. We can hide it, ignore it, dismiss it, or minimize it—it won’t go away.  Unaware, we don’t realize it underlies and motivates our actions. 
 
Recognizing and being curious
about fear 
has turned it into a positive force
in my life.


Okay, I'm going long here, so I’ll pick up this subject of befriending fear next week. After all, without fear, there'd be no courage. How does being present look in your life? What's it mean to you to stop and smell the roses? 
I'd love to know what you think about all this. Click comments to leave your comment below.
Comments
    Picture
    I'm fascinated to discover little-known history, stories of people and events that provide a new perspective on why and how things happened, new voices that haven't been heard, insight into how the past brought us here today, and how it might guide us to a better future.
    I also post here about my books and feature other authors and their books on compelling and important historical topics.
    Occasionally, I share what makes me happy, pictures of my garden, recipes I've made, events I've attended, people I've met. I'm always happy to hear from readers in the blog comments, by email or social media.

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    October 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    December 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010

    Categories

    All
    Books
    Coffee
    Courage
    Day To Day
    Dealing With Demons
    Eat Drink & Be Mary
    Food
    Gardening
    Getkidzlit
    Historical Fiction
    History
    History & Literature
    Literature
    Media Literacy
    Nonfiction

Privacy Policy
​

I write about women whose courage has shaped our history. My work shines a light in shadowy forgotten corners, amplifies marginalized voices  and empowers us all to work constructively for what we believe in.  Sign up for my weekly newsletter and join the conversation.

Click to set custom HTML
© COPYRIGHT 2021. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
  • Home
  • About
  • Books
  • blog
  • Speaking
  • Contact
    • Contact Mary
    • Upcoming Events
    • News!