MARY CRONK FARRELL AUTHOR
  • Home
  • About
  • Books
  • blog
  • Speaking
  • Contact
    • Contact Mary
    • Upcoming Events
    • News!

Making good on post-funeral resolve

2/6/2015

Comments

 
Picture
The church filled with the beautiful, yet somber, music and chanting of In Paradisum and the pungency of incense, as the draped casket moved up the aisle from the sanctuary.  I was saying good-bye to my friend Kay for the last time and my grief spilled into tears as the truth settled in my heart. She was really gone. In that instant, I didn’t think I could bear it.

But somehow I did, and the questions rose, the same questions that niggle every funeral or memorial service—why didn’t I appreciate this person more while she was alive? Why did I take for granted her wonderful qualities, which are all we can talk about now?  Why do I go through so many days not realizing how thrilling it is to be alive and the preciousness of people around me. Every time, I vow I will change. Several weeks, or maybe just days later, I’m still the same person I was before.


Maybe my goal of wholesale change is impractically dramatic. Maybe I imagine a transformation so complete it is fantasy. It’s seems so obvious that significant change is realized in small steps, but we tend to shoot for the stars without building a spaceship. 
...but we tend to shoot for the stars without building a spaceship. 

Picture
I’d known Kay and her husband for more than 15-years. During that time we regularly shared the nitty-gritty of our lives and our travels on the spiritual path. Kay was lively, with a playful, sometimes irreverent sense of humor, and helped me see when I was taking myself too seriously. She was both highly-educated and wise, but paid attention to me as if at any moment I might impart some valuable knowledge. 
She was happy for me in my accomplishments large and small, and shared my disappointments and struggles. My failings fell lightly into the well of her compassion, and her capacity for accepting me without judgment set off ripples of healing. In her eyes I saw myself and I was a thing of beauty.

Kay’s ready smiles, hugs and hospitality were a well that never ran dry.  I hadn’t known Kay and her husband very long, when I told my husband, “That’s the partnership I want for us when we’re 65.”  They spoke to each other in tones resonant with affection, humor and mutual respect. When their eyes met, they sparkled. They shared tender glances, thoughtful conversation, and a unity of purpose. My husband and I agreed, if we didn’t begin to build this relationship now, we would not have it later. 


...if we didn’t begin to build this relationship now, we would not have it later. 

As the years passed, we realized Kay and her husband were also teaching us how to experience the uncertainties, frailties and losses inherent in aging.  They didn’t conceal their vulnerability, made no pretense of winning the fight against sickness, aging and death. 

Kay was a model for me in so many ways, a mentor, a friend and an inspiration. And it was clear at her wake and 
funeral—I did not hold the lone lottery ticket for Kay’s love. She saw a homeless woman at the drop-in center where she volunteered with the same eyes that she saw me.

And Kay was a woman of action. What her eyes saw, she did something about, something practical, something that made tomorrow a little better than today. To understand the force for good Kay wielded in this world, requires mathematics of the heart. Take what Kay gave me, times it by every person she knew and multiply.

 ...requires mathematics
 of the heart.
The question now: Will Kay’s dying be her final lesson for me? Or can I capture some thread of her life, some texture of the woman she was, and with small, steady stitches, piece it into my daily routine. Can I continue to learn and grow through her example and help make tomorrow’s world a little better than today’s?


Will I have the courage to learn from love? Do you?
Comments
    Picture
    I'm fascinated to discover little-known history, stories of people and events that provide a new perspective on why and how things happened, new voices that haven't been heard, insight into how the past brought us here today, and how it might guide us to a better future.
    I also post here about my books and feature other authors and their books on compelling and important historical topics.
    Occasionally, I share what makes me happy, pictures of my garden, recipes I've made, events I've attended, people I've met. I'm always happy to hear from readers in the blog comments, by email or social media.

    Archives

    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    April 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    October 2020
    August 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    March 2020
    December 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    March 2013
    January 2013
    November 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    January 2012
    December 2011
    November 2011
    October 2011
    August 2011
    July 2011
    April 2011
    March 2011
    February 2011
    January 2011
    December 2010
    November 2010
    October 2010

    Categories

    All
    Books
    Coffee
    Courage
    Day To Day
    Dealing With Demons
    Eat Drink & Be Mary
    Food
    Gardening
    Getkidzlit
    Historical Fiction
    History
    History & Literature
    Literature
    Media Literacy
    Nonfiction

Privacy Policy
​

I write about women whose courage has shaped our history. My work shines a light in shadowy forgotten corners, amplifies marginalized voices  and empowers us all to work constructively for what we believe in.  Sign up for my weekly newsletter and join the conversation.

Click to set custom HTML
© COPYRIGHT 2021. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
  • Home
  • About
  • Books
  • blog
  • Speaking
  • Contact
    • Contact Mary
    • Upcoming Events
    • News!